i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
