Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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