I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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