This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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