She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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