Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
