Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
