If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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