dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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