i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
