4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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