you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I supernannyed him into submission
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
