suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is it penis luge time yet?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
