i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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