it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
