If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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