I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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