They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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