bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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