Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
