Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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