I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
