You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
birth control should be required to get into college
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
