guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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