put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
