I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
