You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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