The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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