In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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