Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
