then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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