Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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