cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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