no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
