i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
