"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
