I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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