The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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