Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
