Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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