watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
