Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just cropdusted the office
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
