he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
