my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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