anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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