you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
