hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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