I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
