apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
