Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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