he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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