you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
