I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
