So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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