I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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