so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
