i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
