I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
