Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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