I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
