im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
