dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
