You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
