i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
