I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
