Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
