he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
