she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
