Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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