I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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