WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
