im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
