There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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