in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
